Quick, to the slutcave!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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