i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
