your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
