How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
