I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
