I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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