They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize