The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
