Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
