thus making me awesome and them whores
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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