FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
