Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
