he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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