This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
