Don't you send me to vm
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
