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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.

  Fav 8 1037 1777

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Fav 33 3471 1152

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  she smelled like a LAN party

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• (801): View more from Utah

  She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great

  Fav 10 3108 2008

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.

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• (707): View more from California

  do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails

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• (953): View more from

  Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.

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