you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
