You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
