everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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