So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
did i just pee glitter
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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