WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
