we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
