i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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