Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
