I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
