while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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