I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
