I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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