i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
