my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
