in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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