I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
