Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
