turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
