just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
