You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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