We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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