ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
