Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.

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(600): View more from

I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans

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(301): View more from Maryland

Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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(718): View more from New York

We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.

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(309): View more from Illinois

Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.

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(585): View more from New York

remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently

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(516): View more from New York

like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked

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(512): View more from Texas

Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.

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