Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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