My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
