i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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