He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
