i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The uberlube is also flammable
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
