we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
