totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
