I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
