I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
