I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
