My nipple is on Facebook.
barbara walters just said penis...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
