Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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