I feel great
I just peed on a car
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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