Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
