not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
