So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
