question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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