So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize