We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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