they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize