I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize