I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
