I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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