Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize