Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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